As a white girl on vacation from school, it is your duty to pamper yourself. Sometimes, a girl just has to devote an entire day to sitting on the couch with her feet in a bucket of warm water, particularly when there is a marathon of Law & Order: SVU on t.v. It is practically white girl law (or, more accurately, the law of all girls everywhere) to pick several items from a menu of beauty treatments: some time when with your hot rollers, a deep conditioning, a homespun mani-pedi combo, vigorous work with your new pumice stone, etc. If it is an extra special day of vacation and you have the whole house to yourself, you can even spend some time laughing at the poor slobs who are in school or at work while you are at home in your underwear with Ice-T and your nail polish remover. (Only acetone-free for your sensitive cuticles, of course!)
On this particular day, however, the gods of self-indulgence have more in store than a flawless new manicure. As you saunter downstairs,
clad only in a grungy t-shirt and the abovementioned underwear, you are fated to come face to face with your young new mailman as he is struggling to shove a handful of catalogs through the mailslot.
The sight of this gentleman on the porch while you are inside with your hair full of hot rollers is almost enough to shock the pore-cleansing strip right off your nose! Alas, you have been spotted by the mailman (a curse upon Urban Outfitters for making such a thick spring catalog!) and you have no choice but to toss him an ever-dignified smile and a wave before taking cover behind a nearby bookshelf. Gone are the days of running gleefully downstairs to meet the postman when you are expecting the newest issue of Vogue! No one was supposed to see you on this day of all days, this day of embarrassing pampering and pore cleansing! You have been shamed into hiding upstairs with only your OPI nailcolor and your cat for company, because now the mailman knows you have blackheads and has seen you in your underwear. White Girl Tragedy.
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